So for Meghann Foye who desperately wants to experience all that maternity leave has to offer, so much so that she wrote a whole book about it, here’s a little sneak peak into what it’s like for all of those lucky gals who get to clock out for that glorious leave period that you’ve been chomping at the bit to be a part of.

First, the “new you” that has gained an average of 30 pounds carrying and sustaining another human being inside of her body for 9 months has to decide if she can make it another day at her job so that she can try and save up as many days as she can for when the baby actually comes. If the majority of women are anything like myself, they may have had only a few days of being home and not working before their babies were ready to be born. Barely enough time to prepare for their children’s arrivals so they can spend as many days home with them as possible post partum. When the baby actually comes, in some cases requiring a major surgery for that to happen you are released from your relaxing (and expensive) stay at the hospital, to be thrust into newborn parenthood in all of its sleepless glory. Most new mothers spend weeks on end bleeding and leaking from every orifice of their bodies. The pillars of our luxurious vacation consist of not remembering when the last time we showered was, wearing the same puke stained clothes for days at a time, crying uncontrollably and being at the beck and call of our newborn babies to eat every two hours, which then means not sleeping for more than an hour and a half at a time. And those are just the physical perks – I haven’t even told you about the mental ones.

Carrying a life inside of you, and giving birth to a baby, whom you are now expected to care for 24/7 does not come without its share of emotional and hormonal upsets. Every 1 out of 7 mothers in the US experience some form of postpartum depression, and 50% of all new moms go through a period of the baby blues. Do you know what that means? That means that the vast majority of women that you ignorantly assumed were riding the gravy train to some “free time off” from their companies are actually spending that time depressed, sad, confused, scared, anxious, and without a doubt, completely overwhelmed! Did it ever occur to you that all of these women you referenced that returned from their maternity leave with a new outlook on life, or ready to enter into a new career venture or none at all, were not experiencing a self reflective spiritual awakening when they were being vomited on for the ninth time that day, but rather that their refreshed outlook on life came from looking at the world through a new lens as a mother with a renewed sense of responsibility and list of priorities? Women are faced with incredibly difficult and life altering decisions when they enter into motherhood, and one would hope that during the 6, 8 or 12 weeks we are granted away from work that we would be gifted with this abundance of free time or “me-time” to self reflect and make big, bold and brave steps and promises to our future selves. But the reality is, the only time that most of us new moms even get a minute to think is when we are locked in the bathroom or granted the gift of a shower and even then we debate using that free minute to shut our brain off briefly and just enjoy the silence of no one depending on us in that very moment. And when we are forced to make the choices about where we will go after having spent an inexcusably short amount of time bonding with our babies at home, some women opt to take on different career paths or ventures because they cant fathom returning back to the job they held before becoming a mother, even if they loved it, because it no longer serves the needs of their growing family. Life altering decisions that start with who will watch my baby when I can’t do it anymore, and do I make enough money to justify the expense of a full time care provider for my baby, or how can I return to work when I still feel like an alien in my own skin, and should I choose to return back to work will I be surrounded by a bunch of ignorant people that don’t recognize that it pains me deeply to have to ask to leave early to be with my sick child more than they could even imagine? This is an experience that doesn’t just happen when you shut off your smart phone for a few weeks; this is a process that comes from having people who are depending on you to make choices that are in their best interest and no longer just your own. For most women the entire leave period is spent recovering, both physically and emotionally. By the time they actually start to feel a little bit like themselves again, they are thrown back into the workforce and away from their babies whom they have now grown so attached to that they feel an overwhelming sense of guilt just being away from them – a guilt that they will inevitably feel the effects of for another 18 years.

Remind me again what perks you were being begrudged of?

Allow me to also take this time to not only comment on your grossly ignorant and irresponsible outlook on maternity leave but also to thank you for setting women back hundreds of years by your diminishing statements about our role in the workforce. Women experience “burnout syndrome” at a greater rate than men and feel more overwhelmed by the roles they play at home and at work. As a working woman in a field dominated by men, I’m offended by your insinuation that for no apparent reason at all, but my genetic make up, I am more likely to become overwhelmed, need a break, and get burnt out by the everyday tasks in my profession. Need I remind you that as a gender we have been fighting tooth and nail for equal pay, equal opportunities and to be seen in the same competent light as our male counterparts. Your comments are completely baseless, and do nothing but act to excuse yourself from your own incompetence. As a wife and a mother, I do believe that we can easily become overloaded by the roles we are expected to play at home and at work. However, that being said, I don’t believe in someone like yourself exploiting the struggle of the working mother for your own personal gain, and to make some self serving case about how you wish you had more free time to drink margaritas with your friends, or what you would refer to as a “mandated time and space for self reflection.”

If you’re still in the dark as to why “I need to pick up my child” seems to be deemed as more important in the corporate world than you saying “I need to go cheer up my friend whose stint with online dating isn’t going so well” – it’s because, it IS more important; grossly, undoubtedly, inarguably more important. Working parents, men and women, are forced to jostle hectic schedules, overlapping calendars, lists of activities, events, demands, illnesses, play dates, soccer games, school concerts and teacher conferences all with the hope that when they put their head on their pillow at night they can feel like they managed for one more day to be a great parent and an equally great employee all at the same time. And most often, a working parent never feels that way. They always feel that something suffers or gets sacrificed in the name of trying to have it all in a country and a society that makes it seem like it’s easy and yet makes it nearly impossible to actually accomplish.

If you want to try taking a stand for something that actually matters, you should use your voice for something other than trying to validate to the world why you just decided to quit your job because you felt you needed a break and actually lobby for better maternity leave programs for our new mothers and better postpartum care for parents and new families that truly need it. A “meternity leave” is nothing more than quitting your job with a more kitschy title – that’s all. And I’m sure parents and non-parents alike would all love to quit our jobs for a year and a half and spend it self reflecting and pursuing our passions, who wouldn’t? So if you thought you had happened on some unique and uncharted water when discovering the possibilities of your meternity, I’m sorry to report that for years upon years people have in fact quit their jobs. Those of us with children, however, don’t often have that option because much like the self advocating you were referring to in your post, a big part of putting our family’s first means working hard to provide for them.

CM-D